"Tony, Matt (name has been changed) has found his father's gun and is in his bedroom threatening to kill himself. You're the only I one know and I can call. The sheriff gave me your number. I think Matt trusts you and will talk to you. Please, can you come?" That was a call I received at home about 11:30 one Friday night from a very distraught mother of a crack addict. Of course I was going. I was working narcotics and vice at the time and had dealings with them before. I called dispatch while on the way and advised them I would need back up at that location. I told them to make sure the other units came in with no lights or sirens and no one approached that residence until I got there. We didn't need to scare him anymore than he already was.
When I got to the house two uniformed deputies were waiting in their cars just down the street. Good. There's no way they were seen. I asked for one of them to accompany me down the hall to the bedroom and to stay in the hall, just out of sight in case I needed help. The other was to take the mother to the other end of the house and keep her there in case it turned bad. I was not a trained negotiator. I was going to have to "wing it."
I gently tapped on the door and told him I was coming in. I stuck my head around the corner to assess the situation and saw him with the gun pointed towards his head. I then slowly entered the room as he turned the gun on me. I had my firearm at the ready and Matt had his pointed at me. A standoff. "Mr. Taylor, I'll kill you." "No you won't Matt," I told him as I lowered my 9 mm to my side, still keeping it at ready. "If you wanted to kill me, you'd have done it soon as I came around the corner. You want me to kill you and it ain't gonna happen tonight." Suicide by Cop. Officers deal with it everyday. If one of the other officers had walked in first they may have had no choice. I had an advantage, I knew this kid. He was nervous, agitated, crying and shaking as he sat in the corner facing the door with his gun still aimed at me, but he wasn't a killer. He wanted a hit off a crack pipe bad but I felt he also wanted someone to listen. He lowered the gun, finger still on the trigger, but now pointed at the floor between his knees. I sat down in the opposite corner by the door. He continued to cry as he talked about the damage he had done, not only to his life, but mostly the damage and hurt he was causing, and had already caused, his mother. He felt by leaving this world he could ease her pain and that he would be giving her the gift of relief from him and his addiction. It had led to him stealing from her and even removing household items to sell or barter for crack. Matt's dad had died a few years earlier and it left him with an emptiness and depression he couldn't control. His mother worked hard to be both mother and father to him but that void was still there. She had tried counseling and had done everything she could, but no one could break through the wall he built. He turned to alcohol and pot with his friends and then stepped up to free-basing cocaine and then crack. As daylight started shining through the windows and we had been talking all night Matt finally gave me the gun. We walked out to the waiting arms of his mother. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation then transferred to the state mental institution in Anderson for treatment. As the deputies left his mother broke down and cried in my arms for what seemed like an hour. I escorted her to the ER and looked in on Matt. He was still scared and crying. He thanked me and I wished him luck. I lost track of them shortly after that as I took a job in another town. I do hope he made it back.
Yesterday evening a dear friend posted on Facebook a suicide prevention hotline number and post to hopefully let people know that people are listening, caring and will talk if you'll reach out. This got me to thinking about the above story and the many needless deaths I have investigated over the years due to suicide. It made me look further into this as it is increasing yearly.
Did you know that in 2014 (the latest year I could find accurate statistics) forty-two thousand, seven hundred and seventeen people took their own lives. That's 117.2 per day in this country and it's the 10th leading cause of death in the country. Did you know that three times more people will die at their own hands compared to someone else murdering them? Amazing isn't it? We jump up and down demanding action about those being murdered but don't say anything about those taking their own lives. This doesn't even take into consideration the suicide attempts made daily. Hospitals and clinics in the US reported 494,169 self-harm attempts which were reported and taken to hospital and clinics. That's 1,354 per day. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states that for every suicide fatality there are 25 attempts which brings that total to a whopping 1,069,325 or just under 2,930 per day. Can you imagine the outcry if these same people were to die at the hands of someone else.
58,000 died during the entire Vietnam war spanning 20 years. Remember the outrage? Where is the outrage over those who believe they can't go on today.
Annually 12.93 out of every 100,000 citizens commit suicide. While we're on statistics let's look at our military men and women. 19.1 out of every 100,000 men and women in the military commit suicide each year, almost double the national average.
Enough statistics. What can we do? I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I do know how to love and listen to my neighbor. I can be there for him or her. I can learn, and look for the signs. I can reach out, even if they won't.
Several months ago a young man came to our church and I greeted him as he entered with a handshake as Diane smiled, hugged, and welcomed him. I saw a sad face turn to a brief smile and for a second he held his head up a little higher. As service was about to start I noticed he was sitting near the back of the church looking down and depressed. I sat with him and asked him to tell me a little about himself. He started tell me where he came from and how he had ended up at Faith Riders Church. He seemed to be starting to feel a little better as the music started playing and the services were beginning. I told him I would really like to speak with him more after the service and went to sit by Diane. Shortly after the service started I looked back and he was gone. I should never have left him alone and have felt guilty about it since that morning. I promised myself it would never happen again. If someone needs an ear, I have two. You need someone to talk to get hold me. I will listen.
If you are the one who feels the world is closing in around you, contact someone. Call a friend, family or even that hotline number Lynette sent me to post last night: 800-273-8255. This is an actual suicide prevention hotline number. I contacted it as I was writing this article to make sure that my friends and I have not been posting a fraudulent number. If they don't answer immediately, please hold they will answer. If you are concerned about a friend or family member, they will help with that also.
If you would like to research causes, risk factors, and symptoms the Mayo Clinic has great research materials available online at: Mayo Clinic - Suicide Research
If I can be of help email me at: Tony All you have to do to reach my email is click on the link. That is usually the easiest way to get in touch with me. If I don't get back immediately, don't get discouraged, I will. I can't check emails while driving but I do check at each stop. Also please leave something in the subject line so I know it's not a scam.
Remember, it may not feel like it, but your life does matter to someone.
No comments:
Post a Comment